Ever feel like your life is on a constant merry-go-round? Same faces, same music, same view? Are we destined to stay on the ride, or can we just get off any time we want?
And, why do we stay on ride? We know it's not going anywhere. We know it's no longer fun. So why do we subject ourselves to the constant spinning? Is it the hope that the music will change, the faces will change or the view will change? Or is it just the fear of the unknown?
I think we are just so used to what is and what we know that we are afraid to try something new. Or is it that we have tried something new and it wasn't what we thought it would be so we went back to what we knew, what was "safe"?
The spinning after a while makes you sick. Makes you want to scream stop. STOP! But are you screaming loud enough so that anyone can hear you? And are you screaming loud enough to make the spinning stop? Can you hear you or are you only screaming in your silent mind?
Spinning and spinning... round 'n round... I want off. Stop the music. Want new faces. Need a new view. I'm screaming... still spinning... STOP!
About Me
- Who Says You Have To!
- Louisville, Kentucky, United States
- Who says you have to follow some kind of guidelines in life... On the advice of a great friend, this blog has been created. Seems, some people find my stories, life, and antics very amusing and comical. I'm not sure I would always agree with them, but I am putting it out there for you to decide on your own... About me: I'm a single mom of 2 amazing boys. My life is pure chaos, organized chaos, and somehow works for me. I'm not always sure how I make it work, but it does and gets us through each day, happy to face the next. Sounds a little crazy, and maybe it is, but it's our life. Our chaotic life...
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
It's an Attitude...
By definition, Happiness is a mental state of well being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. It was recently brought to my attention that in order to truly be considered "happy" one must be happy all the time. Reality is that no one is truly happy at every moment, however, that doesn't mean that one is not happy overall.
In a "normal world" we are allowed to have a bad minute, hour, day, week, month or even a year if we want. That however doesn't mean that we are not happy, just we are having a bad moment. Some people, ok most people, find happiness in the little things, which when put together, completes happiness on a larger level. For others, and it's a small number, this is not the case. These people are generally unhappy in their daily lives, and deflect their unhappiness on others in order to make their unhappiness seem less.
Is this fair? To say hurtful things to other people to make yourself feel better? To do things to try and bring other people down? What kind of person does this?
Just a short while ago I was told that I was a miserably unhappy person. This caught me completely off guard because it is so far from the truth. Sure, I have bad days, just like every other person does, but I am truly happy. Not always happy with my situation at times, not always happy with every person at every moment, but overall, happy. So, where is the line drawn and do we really have to prove to other people our sense of happiness?
In my opinion, being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. Nothing is perfect. It's appreciation for who we are, and what we have. It's a general feeling of self worth, of love, and respect for yourself and for others. Its an attitude, and it's up to you to decide the path you take. I know which path I choose...
"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same". (Francesca Reigler)
In a "normal world" we are allowed to have a bad minute, hour, day, week, month or even a year if we want. That however doesn't mean that we are not happy, just we are having a bad moment. Some people, ok most people, find happiness in the little things, which when put together, completes happiness on a larger level. For others, and it's a small number, this is not the case. These people are generally unhappy in their daily lives, and deflect their unhappiness on others in order to make their unhappiness seem less.
Is this fair? To say hurtful things to other people to make yourself feel better? To do things to try and bring other people down? What kind of person does this?
Just a short while ago I was told that I was a miserably unhappy person. This caught me completely off guard because it is so far from the truth. Sure, I have bad days, just like every other person does, but I am truly happy. Not always happy with my situation at times, not always happy with every person at every moment, but overall, happy. So, where is the line drawn and do we really have to prove to other people our sense of happiness?
In my opinion, being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. Nothing is perfect. It's appreciation for who we are, and what we have. It's a general feeling of self worth, of love, and respect for yourself and for others. Its an attitude, and it's up to you to decide the path you take. I know which path I choose...
"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same". (Francesca Reigler)
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Mental Vacation...
It's been a crazy week. So many different emotions wrapped into a few days. I've experienced fun, fear, love, excitement, hurt, disappointment, anger and sadness... That's a lot of feelings for a person to take spread over time, but even more shoved into just a few days.
This morning I got up and walked outside and felt the warmth of the sun on my face. It's a beautiful morning. The sun is shining. It's warm, very warm. Birds are chirping in the trees, Ducks are swimming in the lake. All just seemed peaceful, quiet, serene. For a brief moment, all those emotions disappeared, my mind was blank, and it was just that brief moment that I stopped and realized that this is my place...
A great friend, who is always there for me, brought me to that place last night. That peaceful, quiet, serene-blank place. That place that everyone needs to find within themselves. That place to clear your thoughts and think about nothing but just that moment. For me, it's my beach. The warm sand. Blue water. Clear sky. Sound of the waves crashing. The space that never ends, and goes on forever. The beach where everything is possible, everything is open, everything is just waiting for you.
How is it that we lose sight of that place, and why is it sometimes so hard to find or get back to? Why do we allow our emotions to consume us, when what we really need to do is face our emotions, and then immediately go to our place, our place where everything is just perfect? I'm not saying that everything is perfect, because in reality, nothing is perfect. But inside each of us, there is a place where perfection exists, our own personal perfection. Our own place where we can retire to, even if only for a moment, where we can just be, sit and stare into that ocean and watch everything just float away into the water... Our own mental vacation.
So, for my moment, all is ok. All is right. All is perfect. Any stress has floated away. I've breathed in the clean, fresh air. I've listened to the pulse of the water. My mind and heart is open and clear. It's a new day, a new moment, the start of new experiences. I'm ready for whatever you've got to throw at me. New feelings and emotions. New sunrise and sunset. New tides. New possibilities.
This morning I got up and walked outside and felt the warmth of the sun on my face. It's a beautiful morning. The sun is shining. It's warm, very warm. Birds are chirping in the trees, Ducks are swimming in the lake. All just seemed peaceful, quiet, serene. For a brief moment, all those emotions disappeared, my mind was blank, and it was just that brief moment that I stopped and realized that this is my place...
A great friend, who is always there for me, brought me to that place last night. That peaceful, quiet, serene-blank place. That place that everyone needs to find within themselves. That place to clear your thoughts and think about nothing but just that moment. For me, it's my beach. The warm sand. Blue water. Clear sky. Sound of the waves crashing. The space that never ends, and goes on forever. The beach where everything is possible, everything is open, everything is just waiting for you.
How is it that we lose sight of that place, and why is it sometimes so hard to find or get back to? Why do we allow our emotions to consume us, when what we really need to do is face our emotions, and then immediately go to our place, our place where everything is just perfect? I'm not saying that everything is perfect, because in reality, nothing is perfect. But inside each of us, there is a place where perfection exists, our own personal perfection. Our own place where we can retire to, even if only for a moment, where we can just be, sit and stare into that ocean and watch everything just float away into the water... Our own mental vacation.
So, for my moment, all is ok. All is right. All is perfect. Any stress has floated away. I've breathed in the clean, fresh air. I've listened to the pulse of the water. My mind and heart is open and clear. It's a new day, a new moment, the start of new experiences. I'm ready for whatever you've got to throw at me. New feelings and emotions. New sunrise and sunset. New tides. New possibilities.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Believing...
Why is it that what should be a great character trait can also be one of your biggest flaws? Is believing that people are good really such a bad thing? Today, an amazing and long-time friend told me that seeing good in people is a great thing. I know that is really true, but sometimes I question it and doubt myself.
I wonder... Would I better keep myself protected if I always went into situations thinking the worst of people, until they proved themselves to me? Is that really how I want people to see me, as the doubter? The questioner? I know that's not how I want to see myself, so I wouldn't want others to see me that way.
But, where do you draw the line between immediately seeing good in people and being their doormat? It's a blurred line and a line that is easily crossed. Are belief, trust and honesty things that should immediately be given to someone or should they have to prove themselves? And if they have to prove themselves before those things are given, what does it take to get to that point, and once you're there, are you really worth their time because of your doubt?
It's a question that I can't answer, because for me I'm not sure what the right answer is. I can say that I see all people as good, and believe and trust, until I'm proven otherwise. Because that's how I see things, I can honestly say that I have been the doormat too many times. But, what kind of person would I be if I didn't?
In reality, I know that there are people out there that have no worries in walking all over other people, and sometimes find enjoyment in it. I feel sorry for those type of people, because what are they missing out on, and what types of people are they walking on? People that they may need someday, but will not have the opportunity.
So, I guess I will continue to see the good in people. I will continue to believe and trust. And if that means that I get walked on, I guess that's how it will be. It may be one of my best character traits and one of my biggest flaws, but it's me. I guess you take me as I am, or you don't take me at all. Your choice.
I wonder... Would I better keep myself protected if I always went into situations thinking the worst of people, until they proved themselves to me? Is that really how I want people to see me, as the doubter? The questioner? I know that's not how I want to see myself, so I wouldn't want others to see me that way.
But, where do you draw the line between immediately seeing good in people and being their doormat? It's a blurred line and a line that is easily crossed. Are belief, trust and honesty things that should immediately be given to someone or should they have to prove themselves? And if they have to prove themselves before those things are given, what does it take to get to that point, and once you're there, are you really worth their time because of your doubt?
It's a question that I can't answer, because for me I'm not sure what the right answer is. I can say that I see all people as good, and believe and trust, until I'm proven otherwise. Because that's how I see things, I can honestly say that I have been the doormat too many times. But, what kind of person would I be if I didn't?
In reality, I know that there are people out there that have no worries in walking all over other people, and sometimes find enjoyment in it. I feel sorry for those type of people, because what are they missing out on, and what types of people are they walking on? People that they may need someday, but will not have the opportunity.
So, I guess I will continue to see the good in people. I will continue to believe and trust. And if that means that I get walked on, I guess that's how it will be. It may be one of my best character traits and one of my biggest flaws, but it's me. I guess you take me as I am, or you don't take me at all. Your choice.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Question of Truth...
Truth... such a difficult word for some people to follow. Why I wonder? It should come so easy to everyone, after all, there is no thought behind it, it's how things actually are. There's no making things up, telling stories, and then trying to remember the story you told, so that you don't catch yourself in an un-truth.
I have come to realize however that not everyone likes to take the easy road, and prefers the long difficult road of deceit and lies verses the road of truth. So I question, what type of person tends to lead down the wrong road? And what is their motivation for doing so? Do they ever think that by going down the wrong road it will eventually lead them to the edge? The edge of no return? And when the edge is reached, do they care about the people left behind to pick up the pieces of un-truth and move forward?
So, let's go down this wrong road, the road of deceit and lies and the people left to pick up the pieces. Does finding the pieces of un-truth wear them down or make them stronger? I'm sure some would think that it would wear them down, but in reality, picking the pieces up and putting them together like a puzzle only leads them to the truth, and this truth can only make them stronger!
Truth! A powerful word!
A word that instead of tearing people apart actually brings them closer together. A word that defines who you are and separates you from the deceit and lies. A word that raises you up and shows the world that you cannot be broken.
So my friends, the question of truth is this... If the truth will always set you free, then why do so many people think that the road of deceit and lies is the right path? You will eventually be caught. You will eventually go over that edge. Is it/was it worth it?
Truth... A wonderful word!
A question that is no question!
To my friends... you will always find me heading down the road of truth, and will always help you down my road. Nothing good comes from heading down the road of deceit and lies, except that it will never break true friendship. True friendship cannot be broken, regardless of how many un-truths are told.
To my friends... I will always be there for you. I love you all!
TRUTH!!!! Always the right road! Take it! :)
I have come to realize however that not everyone likes to take the easy road, and prefers the long difficult road of deceit and lies verses the road of truth. So I question, what type of person tends to lead down the wrong road? And what is their motivation for doing so? Do they ever think that by going down the wrong road it will eventually lead them to the edge? The edge of no return? And when the edge is reached, do they care about the people left behind to pick up the pieces of un-truth and move forward?
So, let's go down this wrong road, the road of deceit and lies and the people left to pick up the pieces. Does finding the pieces of un-truth wear them down or make them stronger? I'm sure some would think that it would wear them down, but in reality, picking the pieces up and putting them together like a puzzle only leads them to the truth, and this truth can only make them stronger!
Truth! A powerful word!
A word that instead of tearing people apart actually brings them closer together. A word that defines who you are and separates you from the deceit and lies. A word that raises you up and shows the world that you cannot be broken.
So my friends, the question of truth is this... If the truth will always set you free, then why do so many people think that the road of deceit and lies is the right path? You will eventually be caught. You will eventually go over that edge. Is it/was it worth it?
Truth... A wonderful word!
A question that is no question!
To my friends... you will always find me heading down the road of truth, and will always help you down my road. Nothing good comes from heading down the road of deceit and lies, except that it will never break true friendship. True friendship cannot be broken, regardless of how many un-truths are told.
To my friends... I will always be there for you. I love you all!
TRUTH!!!! Always the right road! Take it! :)
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Disappointment
Disappointment.... such an ugly word, and yet a word or a feeling that crosses our minds often. Why do we allow ourselves to be disappointed? Is it the need to be needed or wanted? Is it that we are so consumed with the fact that things have to be perfect that we set ourselves up for failure? But if we never strive for some type of perfection, and never end up disappointed, will we ever truly know what perfection is? Or at least some sort of perfection?
But I wonder... do some people really set out to purposely disappoint others? It seems like I cross these types of people every day, but do they really mean it, or is that just how it is? And if they aren't purposely trying to disappoint, but do, do they realize that this is what has happened? Just wondering...
I know that I am tired of being disappointed, but if I don't try, I'll never really know whether it was true disappointment or the way things were really supposed to be... And is there really a difference?
Do people think about their actions and maybe how other people are feeling? And do they really care? Is disappointment such a common occurrence that no one really pays attention to it any more? I guess I can't speak for others, but only for myself. I hope that I don't ever disappoint you or anyone else, I'm sure it will happen at some point, but know that it wasn't meant to.
Think about it... if disappointment is a part of life, and we have to accept it, then we also have to accept the fact that maybe being disappointed prepares us for something else, something else that was supposed to happen, or in some other direction that things were really supposed to go.
Either way, it's still an ugly word, but a word that I guess we need to accept, at least in some way, because regardless of how much we try, we will eventually be disappointed. Maybe...
But I wonder... do some people really set out to purposely disappoint others? It seems like I cross these types of people every day, but do they really mean it, or is that just how it is? And if they aren't purposely trying to disappoint, but do, do they realize that this is what has happened? Just wondering...
I know that I am tired of being disappointed, but if I don't try, I'll never really know whether it was true disappointment or the way things were really supposed to be... And is there really a difference?
Do people think about their actions and maybe how other people are feeling? And do they really care? Is disappointment such a common occurrence that no one really pays attention to it any more? I guess I can't speak for others, but only for myself. I hope that I don't ever disappoint you or anyone else, I'm sure it will happen at some point, but know that it wasn't meant to.
Think about it... if disappointment is a part of life, and we have to accept it, then we also have to accept the fact that maybe being disappointed prepares us for something else, something else that was supposed to happen, or in some other direction that things were really supposed to go.
Either way, it's still an ugly word, but a word that I guess we need to accept, at least in some way, because regardless of how much we try, we will eventually be disappointed. Maybe...
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Possibilities
We all have those days where our possibilities seem hopeless. We get caught up in life's daily struggles and lose sight of ourselves, who we are, what we have and where we are going.
One of my favorite people is Maya Angelou. Her words and quotes are so empowering and really make you stop and think about how you view life and it's possibilities. One of my favorite quotes of hers is "Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise."
We really do invent ourselves each day. Today we are not the same person we were yesterday, nor tomorrow will we be the same as we were today. Each day sets us on a path, maybe not always going in the direction that we thought we would or hoped, but this path defines who we are at that moment. If we lose sight of our possibilities for today, how can we expect that we won't lose focus on our possibilities for tomorrow? And if each day we don't invent ourselves, then we leave it in the hands of others to invent us. Is that really what we want? Inventing yourself doesn't have to be a conscious decision, something you think about. It's about believing in yourself, believing that you are special. Believing that it's your right to be who you are, not what other people expect you to be. Believing that your possibilities are endless. Believing to believe, to always want, to always strive, to always invent yourself into the person you want to be.
So, "Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise."
One of my favorite people is Maya Angelou. Her words and quotes are so empowering and really make you stop and think about how you view life and it's possibilities. One of my favorite quotes of hers is "Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise."
We really do invent ourselves each day. Today we are not the same person we were yesterday, nor tomorrow will we be the same as we were today. Each day sets us on a path, maybe not always going in the direction that we thought we would or hoped, but this path defines who we are at that moment. If we lose sight of our possibilities for today, how can we expect that we won't lose focus on our possibilities for tomorrow? And if each day we don't invent ourselves, then we leave it in the hands of others to invent us. Is that really what we want? Inventing yourself doesn't have to be a conscious decision, something you think about. It's about believing in yourself, believing that you are special. Believing that it's your right to be who you are, not what other people expect you to be. Believing that your possibilities are endless. Believing to believe, to always want, to always strive, to always invent yourself into the person you want to be.
So, "Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise."
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Mostly Good Days...
Good days, bad days. We all have our share of both. I would have to say I have mostly good days. Sometimes, that darn bad day creeps up on me, although not welcomed with open arms. Today is one of those bad days. Probably triggered by the massive migraine I have had since this morning, which by the way, has NOT gone away, although somewhat easing off and "tolerable" (or as tolerable as a migraine can be (chock it up to good drugs still working their magic)). Why am I not asleep??? Dogs, phones, computers, kids, neighbors, you name it, it's kept me awake! Which if anyone knows migraine drugs, is not an easy thing to do, stay awake!
So this migraine, which has triggered my bad day, has really triggered other emotions. Emotions I really don't want to deal with today. So now, I'm an emotional mess, missing what seems to be everyone! Why is it that the people that you want the most are always so far away? Ok, they are not really that far away, just a phone call, email, or text away. But I can't see them at this moment! And, now is when I need to see them most... (warning, emotional mess coming up!)
I'm missing my best friend! The one person that I can talk to about anything, who has definitely seen me at my best, and my worst, who has listened to me cry and laugh and has been there for everything else since I moved to this hell hole... I know Reno is just a short flight away, but right now it's just too far away...
I need my girl Robin! Who is 20 minutes down the road, but who I never get to see anymore... My friend... who I swear we are the same person inside, just in different bodies... Who has been there from the beginning and end of my "past life" and now the beginning and end of "my new life"... We have had our ups and downs, but she is my girl...
Missing everyone else in-between. You know who you are. Don't have to say it.
Most of all, I'm missing the one person I can't see! Or talk to! Or listen to! Ok, emotional mess in full swing... sparing you all... will return shortly...
So, migraine go away. Not welcome any more. Being kicked. Bad days no longer. Pulling myself back together. On with GOOD DAYS!
So this migraine, which has triggered my bad day, has really triggered other emotions. Emotions I really don't want to deal with today. So now, I'm an emotional mess, missing what seems to be everyone! Why is it that the people that you want the most are always so far away? Ok, they are not really that far away, just a phone call, email, or text away. But I can't see them at this moment! And, now is when I need to see them most... (warning, emotional mess coming up!)
I'm missing my best friend! The one person that I can talk to about anything, who has definitely seen me at my best, and my worst, who has listened to me cry and laugh and has been there for everything else since I moved to this hell hole... I know Reno is just a short flight away, but right now it's just too far away...
I need my girl Robin! Who is 20 minutes down the road, but who I never get to see anymore... My friend... who I swear we are the same person inside, just in different bodies... Who has been there from the beginning and end of my "past life" and now the beginning and end of "my new life"... We have had our ups and downs, but she is my girl...
Missing everyone else in-between. You know who you are. Don't have to say it.
Most of all, I'm missing the one person I can't see! Or talk to! Or listen to! Ok, emotional mess in full swing... sparing you all... will return shortly...
So, migraine go away. Not welcome any more. Being kicked. Bad days no longer. Pulling myself back together. On with GOOD DAYS!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Life Is Good!
Life is good! I know I've said it a bunch of times, but it really is. Sure, there will always be things missing, things that could be tweaked, things in my way, but they are things, and things can be changed. It's really all just your perception on how you move toward or away from those things. Positive attitude is everything! Of course, it can't actually change anything, but can change how you look at it, and that is they key.
I may not have the greatest job, but I love the people I work with. I may not live in the nicest place, but it's not a cardboard box hidden in the bushes. I may not have a lot of money, but I have enough that we have the things that we need (and a little of what we want). I may not be a supermodel with a perfect body, but I am perfect, perfect for me. I may not be where I want to be, but that is just a matter of packing up and getting there. All these things are perceptions, my perceptions; work, home, money, looks, and location are all things that can be tweaked, adjusted and changed.
Who says you have to accept things as they are? We are constantly changing, and change is good. The ride along the way may be a bumpy one. Things may not always go in the direction you thought they would. They may not make a lot of sense, yet. They may look you directly in the face and make you ask why? They may look completely impossible. Perception; bumpy eventually turns into smooth, direction gets you where you're going, sense makes you want it even more, why makes the sense make more sense and impossible is never really impossible.
My Life is Good!
I may not have the greatest job, but I love the people I work with. I may not live in the nicest place, but it's not a cardboard box hidden in the bushes. I may not have a lot of money, but I have enough that we have the things that we need (and a little of what we want). I may not be a supermodel with a perfect body, but I am perfect, perfect for me. I may not be where I want to be, but that is just a matter of packing up and getting there. All these things are perceptions, my perceptions; work, home, money, looks, and location are all things that can be tweaked, adjusted and changed.
Who says you have to accept things as they are? We are constantly changing, and change is good. The ride along the way may be a bumpy one. Things may not always go in the direction you thought they would. They may not make a lot of sense, yet. They may look you directly in the face and make you ask why? They may look completely impossible. Perception; bumpy eventually turns into smooth, direction gets you where you're going, sense makes you want it even more, why makes the sense make more sense and impossible is never really impossible.
My Life is Good!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
As They Come...
Life certainly hasn't dealt me the cards that I expected it would. Regardless, I've learned to make the best of things, as they come. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, they are obviously lessons I was meant to learn. I've realized that there doesn't always need to be a plan. For those who know me planning is something that I have always done. With planning comes the pressure to succeed, and if I didn't succeed, in my own eyes I was a failure. But looking back, I really wasn't a failure, things just took a different path, and I can say now that was ok. I am learning to look past the "plan" and just go with it. Just going with it has certainly led me in some interesting directions recently... I certainly don't know how things will end up, and what kind of experiences I'll be faced with and I'm ok with that, because I am enjoying this little place called the unknown.
The unknown... certainly a very scary place for me, but also someplace that I'm learning to kind of enjoy. Is this the start of new things to come? So far, I've seen good things in the unknown, so I'm willing to give it a shot, take it as it comes, and enjoy every minute of it. Makes me wonder how many things have I missed out on by not just going with it? So for now, I'm letting it ride. Seeing how far it can go. Wondering what other good things are in that place that I never really ventured to go... Want to take this ride with me, into the unknown? So, let's go...
The unknown... certainly a very scary place for me, but also someplace that I'm learning to kind of enjoy. Is this the start of new things to come? So far, I've seen good things in the unknown, so I'm willing to give it a shot, take it as it comes, and enjoy every minute of it. Makes me wonder how many things have I missed out on by not just going with it? So for now, I'm letting it ride. Seeing how far it can go. Wondering what other good things are in that place that I never really ventured to go... Want to take this ride with me, into the unknown? So, let's go...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Knowing
Do we ever really know what we want? Sure, we have some type of idea in maybe a direction, but in the outcome? And if we do, is it wrong that it changes, many times? Just as soon as I think I know what I want or how I want something to go, it changes, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. I wouldn't call it indecisiveness, because that's not a word in my regularly vocabulary, and I am decisive, but the decision itself is changing.
How is this possible, for me anyway? I know people are ever-evolving, including myself, but shouldn't I have some type of idea at this point in my life? Things still seem so crazy, but in a calm way. Can that really be possible, crazy and calm together? Ok, really anything is possible. How about likely? Can they work together? I guess they can.
In my life I have realized that anything is possible, and the most unlikely consequences are usually the best ones. I am constantly evolving, although I don't always see the good in it, but that's only my perception, which in reality is probably pretty screwed up.
So, back to my original question. Do we ever really know what we want? Should we? Should we have things planned out, or just see what comes? Should these decisions happen before a certain point in life, or is it normal that I'm still winging it? Is it just me that says I have to have things planned out, and is it ok if some days I think I don't have to? I guess it would be easy to realize that I don't know what I want. Ok, I do, but in an incomplete way, and I guess that's ok. But, is it really ok? Jury is still out deliberating...
How is this possible, for me anyway? I know people are ever-evolving, including myself, but shouldn't I have some type of idea at this point in my life? Things still seem so crazy, but in a calm way. Can that really be possible, crazy and calm together? Ok, really anything is possible. How about likely? Can they work together? I guess they can.
In my life I have realized that anything is possible, and the most unlikely consequences are usually the best ones. I am constantly evolving, although I don't always see the good in it, but that's only my perception, which in reality is probably pretty screwed up.
So, back to my original question. Do we ever really know what we want? Should we? Should we have things planned out, or just see what comes? Should these decisions happen before a certain point in life, or is it normal that I'm still winging it? Is it just me that says I have to have things planned out, and is it ok if some days I think I don't have to? I guess it would be easy to realize that I don't know what I want. Ok, I do, but in an incomplete way, and I guess that's ok. But, is it really ok? Jury is still out deliberating...
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Conundrum
So, I have a bit of a conundrum (yes, that's a big word)... I'm a a crossroads and not sure which path to take. Certain things haven't exactly turned out like I hoped, or like I planned. Although I'm at the beginning of the road and there's still a long way to travel, I'm questioning whether that road is the right road, or if I should just turn around and go back. I know time will only tell whether the decision was the right one, but I'm not sure I want to wait. I guess things will turn out like they are supposed to, and if turning around and going back is the right thing, it will happen that way. Waiting, yuck, so not one of my favorite words....
Why is it that we think sometimes that we are making the right decisions, but in reality looking back, it probably wasn't? Is it the need for adventure? Change? I know they say change is good, and it is, but sometimes change really isn't what we wanted at all. Change is good, I believe that. I have made some good changes, and I am thrilled to see where they are going to lead me, but sometimes I wonder if this was the right time. Not on everything, just some things. We become content in the way things are, and that's our comfort zone. Breaking from the comfort zone isn't always easy, and it's just sometimes downright scary. It's a necessity of life however. I guess things will work out as they are supposed to. Who says you have to be happy with change or with contentment, can't you have a little of both? I guess that's where I'm at now. I want both, to be content with change. Can it happen? Not sure, but I'm gonna try. Hell, I'll never stop trying!
Why is it that we think sometimes that we are making the right decisions, but in reality looking back, it probably wasn't? Is it the need for adventure? Change? I know they say change is good, and it is, but sometimes change really isn't what we wanted at all. Change is good, I believe that. I have made some good changes, and I am thrilled to see where they are going to lead me, but sometimes I wonder if this was the right time. Not on everything, just some things. We become content in the way things are, and that's our comfort zone. Breaking from the comfort zone isn't always easy, and it's just sometimes downright scary. It's a necessity of life however. I guess things will work out as they are supposed to. Who says you have to be happy with change or with contentment, can't you have a little of both? I guess that's where I'm at now. I want both, to be content with change. Can it happen? Not sure, but I'm gonna try. Hell, I'll never stop trying!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Changes
Changes are coming, good changes and much deserved changes. A new chapter is beginning, which I hope will lead to more chapters and other beginnings...
It's been a long and sometimes difficult road, but I knew the end of the road was out there, just didn't know when it was coming. I'm finally in a good place. I'm beginning a new career, which I have worked really hard to get to, but has come with a lot of sacrifices. I've said goodbye to the past, once and for all, and now looking forward to the future, my new future.
I have opened myself up to the possibility of new relationships, and look at each one that comes my way as a special thing and not a reminder of the past. I'm realizing that there are good people out there, and people who will see me for who I really am, and not what they want me to be. People who accept me as I am and like what they see. And I like who I am and like what I see, and that's the most important thing, because who says that your own opinion isn't important, it is, it is the most important because if you like yourself, others will too.
So, come on in change, I'm glad to see you, you are welcome here and I have been waiting for you a long time. I'm interested to see what you have in store for me, good or bad. Bring it!
Change.... :)
It's been a long and sometimes difficult road, but I knew the end of the road was out there, just didn't know when it was coming. I'm finally in a good place. I'm beginning a new career, which I have worked really hard to get to, but has come with a lot of sacrifices. I've said goodbye to the past, once and for all, and now looking forward to the future, my new future.
I have opened myself up to the possibility of new relationships, and look at each one that comes my way as a special thing and not a reminder of the past. I'm realizing that there are good people out there, and people who will see me for who I really am, and not what they want me to be. People who accept me as I am and like what they see. And I like who I am and like what I see, and that's the most important thing, because who says that your own opinion isn't important, it is, it is the most important because if you like yourself, others will too.
So, come on in change, I'm glad to see you, you are welcome here and I have been waiting for you a long time. I'm interested to see what you have in store for me, good or bad. Bring it!
Change.... :)
Monday, February 21, 2011
Happy
I have to say, for a Monday, it's an OK day. Didn't sleep well last night, but not overly tired. Don't want to be at work, but then again, guess it's not so bad. Could be due to the fact that I only have a few days left here (yep, that's probably it). Weather is not great, but the sun is shining. Yep, not a bad day at all.
Although my weekend plans were rained out, it was a great weekend anyway. Spent some great quality time with my men! That's always a fun time! We layed around, goofed off, watched some great movies (Sixteen Candles, Titanic, Dirty Dancing), did a lot of shopping and ate some incredibly fattening foods (who says you have to stay on track and eat healthy everyday, right?). Yep, good times.
Although I am extremely nervous about the upcoming week, I am also very excited. Very excited to start another new chapter in my life, looking forward to all the upcoming changes and meeting new people. I can honestly say that I am happy with my life, happy with where I'm at, happy that I have two great boys, happy with my two incredibly spoiled dogs, happy with a great group of people that I am honored to call my friends, and happy with my family; my sister and her group of boys/men (all of them) and most of all the wonderful man I call my father... I wouldn't be anywhere without any of you, so because of you, I am HAPPY!
Enjoy your day, share your happiness, be thankful that you are here and that you are important and loved, because I am!
Although my weekend plans were rained out, it was a great weekend anyway. Spent some great quality time with my men! That's always a fun time! We layed around, goofed off, watched some great movies (Sixteen Candles, Titanic, Dirty Dancing), did a lot of shopping and ate some incredibly fattening foods (who says you have to stay on track and eat healthy everyday, right?). Yep, good times.
Although I am extremely nervous about the upcoming week, I am also very excited. Very excited to start another new chapter in my life, looking forward to all the upcoming changes and meeting new people. I can honestly say that I am happy with my life, happy with where I'm at, happy that I have two great boys, happy with my two incredibly spoiled dogs, happy with a great group of people that I am honored to call my friends, and happy with my family; my sister and her group of boys/men (all of them) and most of all the wonderful man I call my father... I wouldn't be anywhere without any of you, so because of you, I am HAPPY!
Enjoy your day, share your happiness, be thankful that you are here and that you are important and loved, because I am!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Words/Laziness/Future/Words
When I previously said I didn't have a lot to say, I didn't really mean I had NOTHING to say for almost 2+ weeks... what in the world has come over me? I didn't disappear for any reason other than things have been crazy busy, trying to finish up at work, train a new person, finish up at school (Yes, 4 class days left) and get everything together to go on externship.
Is being crazy busy a reason to disappear? It's not like formulating my thoughts is really time consuming... Ok, I have a million thoughts going through my head at any given time, but really, how many of them actually make way to the surface and out of my mouth (or fingers in this case)? Maybe it's just laziness on my part, after all, I suppose I have the right to be lazy occasionally. Who says you always have to be moving, thinking or doing something? I really wish laziness would appear in my life more often than it does, but we don't always get what we wish for, right?
Chaos is definitely in full swing! I am ready to end this week and see what the next several days holds for me. Hopefully the weather will hold out at least for a while this weekend so my weekends plans don't end up "all wet" (Ha, I crack myself up!)! I am ready for some me time, which at this time includes some drag racing, a hair appointment with the Fabulous Saskia, some baking and who knows what else. Maybe a date? Yes, a date? I know words I always thought would never venture from my mouth again. Am I ready for this? I'm still not entirely sure. I am still regularly forced back to the past, like it or not. I wish it would disappear (yes, back to that wonderful word disappear), but we can't exactly take back the past now can we? Am I ready to begin that part of my life in the present and future? I guess time will tell. I'll keep ya posted!
Ok, well, here we are again... back to lack of words. On that note, we'll save the rest for later. I'm sure I'll have a lot to say, I always do. See, I just did! :)
Is being crazy busy a reason to disappear? It's not like formulating my thoughts is really time consuming... Ok, I have a million thoughts going through my head at any given time, but really, how many of them actually make way to the surface and out of my mouth (or fingers in this case)? Maybe it's just laziness on my part, after all, I suppose I have the right to be lazy occasionally. Who says you always have to be moving, thinking or doing something? I really wish laziness would appear in my life more often than it does, but we don't always get what we wish for, right?
Chaos is definitely in full swing! I am ready to end this week and see what the next several days holds for me. Hopefully the weather will hold out at least for a while this weekend so my weekends plans don't end up "all wet" (Ha, I crack myself up!)! I am ready for some me time, which at this time includes some drag racing, a hair appointment with the Fabulous Saskia, some baking and who knows what else. Maybe a date? Yes, a date? I know words I always thought would never venture from my mouth again. Am I ready for this? I'm still not entirely sure. I am still regularly forced back to the past, like it or not. I wish it would disappear (yes, back to that wonderful word disappear), but we can't exactly take back the past now can we? Am I ready to begin that part of my life in the present and future? I guess time will tell. I'll keep ya posted!
Ok, well, here we are again... back to lack of words. On that note, we'll save the rest for later. I'm sure I'll have a lot to say, I always do. See, I just did! :)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Words?
So lately I have found myself without a lot to say. This is a strange thing for me. Me? Nothing to say? How weird is that? I have no explanation why. No cause behind it. Just is. Could this be a sign of something to continue? Who would I be without anything to say? Ok, I babble, everyone does, but nothing meaningful, thought provoking, idiotic, sarcastic? What is this world coming to?
I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. I'm not bouncing with happiness either. I feel like I have reached a lull... Level, even, not tipped one way or the other. This is an odd place for me. Should I snap out of it, or just enjoy the ride? I'm not sure. This scares me a little because when things are level, that's when chaos ensues... Yes, chaos, one of my favorite words. My life, usually completely chaotic... Now, level, even, not tipped one way or the other. I feel like I'm repeating myself. See what happens when I don't have a lot to say?
I should always have something to say. Everyone who is anyone says you have to have something to say. Really? Everyone who is anyone? Is nothingness really all that bad? Ok, I suppose it could be, but in brief excerpts, it can't be all that bad... Maybe I should enjoy the fact that my mind isn't going 500 miles an hour with 5 million thoughts zipping through one right after the other, and just sit in my nothingness... Nah, this is me we're talking about... I couldn't calm my mind if I tried, but for some reason the thoughts aren't coming out, they're stuck... Lucky for you that they are stuck because I know I tend to say way to much. I guess I am still saying way too much. Whew! I was worrying myself. I guess I have lots to say. I'm ok. I'm alright. My nothingness is something, and my lack of words really isn't. Thank goodness...
I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. I'm not bouncing with happiness either. I feel like I have reached a lull... Level, even, not tipped one way or the other. This is an odd place for me. Should I snap out of it, or just enjoy the ride? I'm not sure. This scares me a little because when things are level, that's when chaos ensues... Yes, chaos, one of my favorite words. My life, usually completely chaotic... Now, level, even, not tipped one way or the other. I feel like I'm repeating myself. See what happens when I don't have a lot to say?
I should always have something to say. Everyone who is anyone says you have to have something to say. Really? Everyone who is anyone? Is nothingness really all that bad? Ok, I suppose it could be, but in brief excerpts, it can't be all that bad... Maybe I should enjoy the fact that my mind isn't going 500 miles an hour with 5 million thoughts zipping through one right after the other, and just sit in my nothingness... Nah, this is me we're talking about... I couldn't calm my mind if I tried, but for some reason the thoughts aren't coming out, they're stuck... Lucky for you that they are stuck because I know I tend to say way to much. I guess I am still saying way too much. Whew! I was worrying myself. I guess I have lots to say. I'm ok. I'm alright. My nothingness is something, and my lack of words really isn't. Thank goodness...
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Fight!
Today is not about me, my life, or my struggles, because who says you always have to write about yourself? It is about something very dear to my heart. Something that I am proud to say I became a part of last year because of a precious little boy named Asher, and his two amazing parents, Rachel and Jeremy. Asher has Cystic Fibrosis. Each day Asher fights to breathe. No one should have to fight for something that we all have so easily- breath. Unfortunately, people living with Cystic Fibrosis do just that, fight.
I always go back to, and have said many times, that I am not one to ask for help, and I definitely am NOT! Last year I bombarded my family and friends with requests to help find a cure for this horrible disease, and I am going to do it again. Not for me, but for Asher, and Paxon, and all the other sweet innocent children who suffer from this daily fight to breathe...
http://vimeo.com/11828066
Please, please help us find a cure, and make a donation to Cystic Fibrosis!
(The link to my fundraising page is below)
Jennifer Greer is taking strides to make "CF" stand for "Cure Found!" Visit Jennifer's GREAT STRIDES Home Page at http://www.cff.org/Great_Strides/dsp_DonationPage.cfm?walkid=7450&idUser=438422
I always go back to, and have said many times, that I am not one to ask for help, and I definitely am NOT! Last year I bombarded my family and friends with requests to help find a cure for this horrible disease, and I am going to do it again. Not for me, but for Asher, and Paxon, and all the other sweet innocent children who suffer from this daily fight to breathe...
http://vimeo.com/11828066
Please, please help us find a cure, and make a donation to Cystic Fibrosis!
(The link to my fundraising page is below)
Jennifer Greer is taking strides to make "CF" stand for "Cure Found!" Visit Jennifer's GREAT STRIDES Home Page at http://www.cff.org/Great_Strides/dsp_DonationPage.cfm?walkid=7450&idUser=438422
Monday, January 24, 2011
Mind Games
So, I'm curious into how our minds work, and why/how we think about or dream about things that we shouldn't, or don't want to, or haven't even thought about... What causes mind games, and what purpose do they have?
Early this morning I dreamt about a person that I didn't want to dream about, not sure why I dreamt about, and woke up with a complete "wtf" moment... This person brings up too many memories, things that I have worked really hard to forget. Ok, forget isn't the right word exactly, maybe put out of my mind (who says you have to forget, just locked away). This person shouldn't even have a moment of my time, and definitely shouldn't even be a thought in my mind. So, why out of nowhere do I dream? I didn't think about this person this weekend, and I certainly didn't expect to dream about them, so why now? And why out of no where do these thoughts emerge? Just wondering...
And why are my dreams always about things I don't want to think about or remember? Where are the happy ending, fairy tale dreams? Where are the beach dreams, vacation dreams, candy cane and merry-go-round dreams? How come I don't have those types of dreams? But no, mine have to be depressing, about people I don't want to think about, people I shouldn't think about, so what kind of mind game am I playing on myself?
So, today I face the world somewhat irritated, and I shouldn't be, more like what are you doing to yourself and why? What inside me wanted that dream, because the majority of me is saying leave me alone, don't invade my thoughts, my dreams, my life... you've already wasted too much of all of them, and don't deserve a minute or second more... So how do you stop the mind games? Where do they come from? Why do they exist? Again, just wondering...
Early this morning I dreamt about a person that I didn't want to dream about, not sure why I dreamt about, and woke up with a complete "wtf" moment... This person brings up too many memories, things that I have worked really hard to forget. Ok, forget isn't the right word exactly, maybe put out of my mind (who says you have to forget, just locked away). This person shouldn't even have a moment of my time, and definitely shouldn't even be a thought in my mind. So, why out of nowhere do I dream? I didn't think about this person this weekend, and I certainly didn't expect to dream about them, so why now? And why out of no where do these thoughts emerge? Just wondering...
And why are my dreams always about things I don't want to think about or remember? Where are the happy ending, fairy tale dreams? Where are the beach dreams, vacation dreams, candy cane and merry-go-round dreams? How come I don't have those types of dreams? But no, mine have to be depressing, about people I don't want to think about, people I shouldn't think about, so what kind of mind game am I playing on myself?
So, today I face the world somewhat irritated, and I shouldn't be, more like what are you doing to yourself and why? What inside me wanted that dream, because the majority of me is saying leave me alone, don't invade my thoughts, my dreams, my life... you've already wasted too much of all of them, and don't deserve a minute or second more... So how do you stop the mind games? Where do they come from? Why do they exist? Again, just wondering...
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Perfection-Part 2
Ok, back to this whole perfection-control freak-OCD thing I have going on... I'm trying to figure out why I am so hard on myself, and why I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, when in reality, nothing and no one is ever really perfect. One side of my brain is telling me you're being ridiculous, but the other is telling me to try harder. Over the past week I have tried really hard to just take a step back, look at the situation, relax a little and try to just do my best instead of always striving to be the BEST. Sometimes a little adjustment works wonders and is just the thing to put you at the top.
So, my inner struggle has calmed to a low hum, although failing is still not an option, but stepping back, reassessing the situation and relaxing has gotten me over that edge that I was dangling on. Success was accomplished, with it's share of stress, but regardless, accomplished.
Who says you have to strive for perfection when in reality your best should be it's own perfection, and with that comes success... Even the smallest things can be changed for the better by making small adjustments and realizing that doing your best is the BEST.
So, my inner struggle has calmed to a low hum, although failing is still not an option, but stepping back, reassessing the situation and relaxing has gotten me over that edge that I was dangling on. Success was accomplished, with it's share of stress, but regardless, accomplished.
Who says you have to strive for perfection when in reality your best should be it's own perfection, and with that comes success... Even the smallest things can be changed for the better by making small adjustments and realizing that doing your best is the BEST.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Perfection
Ok, so if you know me well at all you will know that I am a perfectionist! Everything has to be perfect at all times. This includes my home, cleaning, work, school and everything in between. I think it all falls under that whole control freak thing that I have going on (some people call it OCD!). I don't normally set up to do things perfectly, things just typically come pretty easy for me. Until now...
I am completely struggling on something so easy that I'm ready to pull my hair out and scream! This is doing a number on me, and completely messing with my head. I know I need to give myself a little credit, take a step back and relax, but hey, this is ME we are talking about. Like that would ever happen, HA!
Deep breath in.... Deep breath out....
I know I can be a little hard on myself, and when I am in perfectionist mode, it's 100 times worse, but how many times do you, or should you, continue to make something work, when it's just not? Not an easy question to answer, especially when your entire existence is surrounded by it working. Who says you have to make it work? I do! Ok, I know we can't always be perfect at everything, but try telling that to my head...
So, what do you do when your inner self is fighting for perfection, but your outer self is bucking it? That's my struggle right now... I've got to get this, it's not an option to not get it. It's a pass/fail kinda thing, and I'm failing. Yes, I'm failing... Big accomplishment to get those words out. Who is this person? Me, failing? How can this be? I'm fighting it, I've got to fight it! I can't fail (remember, OCD control-perfection freak?)! I won't fail!
Deep breath in.... Deep breath out....
To be continued...............
I am completely struggling on something so easy that I'm ready to pull my hair out and scream! This is doing a number on me, and completely messing with my head. I know I need to give myself a little credit, take a step back and relax, but hey, this is ME we are talking about. Like that would ever happen, HA!
Deep breath in.... Deep breath out....
I know I can be a little hard on myself, and when I am in perfectionist mode, it's 100 times worse, but how many times do you, or should you, continue to make something work, when it's just not? Not an easy question to answer, especially when your entire existence is surrounded by it working. Who says you have to make it work? I do! Ok, I know we can't always be perfect at everything, but try telling that to my head...
So, what do you do when your inner self is fighting for perfection, but your outer self is bucking it? That's my struggle right now... I've got to get this, it's not an option to not get it. It's a pass/fail kinda thing, and I'm failing. Yes, I'm failing... Big accomplishment to get those words out. Who is this person? Me, failing? How can this be? I'm fighting it, I've got to fight it! I can't fail (remember, OCD control-perfection freak?)! I won't fail!
Deep breath in.... Deep breath out....
To be continued...............
Monday, January 10, 2011
Unexpected Good Things!
They say good things come to those who wait, and I really believe that's true. Although it may sounds silly to most, today something came to me. Something completely unexpected! A good thing, a great thing!
Today I won $800 on the radio. Although $800 may not seem like a lot, and really it's not, it is to me. I have been so stressed about money, that this gift couldn't have come at a better time. What did I have to do for it? Not much but enter a radio station contest online, and wait to hear my name called, then call the radio station within 8 minutes to win. Sounds easy, right?
Normally, I wouldn't enter things like this, after all I have the worst luck ever. But for whatever reason I entered this contest, and entered it almost a year ago. The contest itself ended months ago, and I completely forgot all about it. Today was the start of the contest for this year, 2011. The first name called was at 8am, and it was MY NAME! How freaking weird! Freaking weird in the fact that I would normally be at work at 8am, and although the radio is on, it's background noise and I don't pay much attention to it. But this morning Seth had an orthodontist appointment so I was in the car at 8am. Lucky for me!
I totally had that moment where I know I heard my name, was sure I heard my name, but thought there was no way I heard my name. After all, I know there are other people in Phoenix with the same name, so it couldn't have been me. That was until I heard my name from Chandler, AZ. Oh my gosh, it was me! I'm not sure who was freaking out more... Me or Seth! Now the fun part was to begin, trying to call the radio station back within 8 minutes... Yes, I've tried before to get a never-ending busy signal. Not today! The phone immediately rang and someone answered within the first 2 rings. Yes, they answered, they really did call my name, it was me!
Of course, $800 wasn't the immediate prize. I had to go the entire day waiting, building $100 at a time. How lucky am I that most people are probably just like me, have the radio on, but using it as background noise and not paying attention to the other names being called. $100 by $100... how stressful, exciting and fun, all wrapped up together! Now, I would have been just as thrilled with $100, as it was $100 more than I started out with this morning, but the excitement of waiting each hour to see if anyone else responds to their name and then waiting for the call from the radio station was almost unbearable. I had the entire office routing, for ME!
During the day, I did more radio spots than I could count, but it was extremely fun. I will say that it is very strange hearing yourself on the radio... I realized that I still do have a southern accent, which is ok, just strange to hear... I thought I lost it years ago... A friend told me today that you can take the girl out of Kentucky, but you can't take Kentucky out of the girl... So, I'll keep my Kentucky twang... It's a good thing!
So, all in all, it was a great start to my week. At this point, things can only get better... Am I done wishing and waiting for good things, NAH... (anyways, who says you have to stop at just one)...
One last thought... you may think good things come to everyone but you... I definitely have thought that too many times to count... today I was proved wrong. Good things come in all different kinds of packages and come to everyone. Sometimes you just have to wait a little longer... but that's ok. Wait... and when you least expect it, it will come to you...
Today I won $800 on the radio. Although $800 may not seem like a lot, and really it's not, it is to me. I have been so stressed about money, that this gift couldn't have come at a better time. What did I have to do for it? Not much but enter a radio station contest online, and wait to hear my name called, then call the radio station within 8 minutes to win. Sounds easy, right?
Normally, I wouldn't enter things like this, after all I have the worst luck ever. But for whatever reason I entered this contest, and entered it almost a year ago. The contest itself ended months ago, and I completely forgot all about it. Today was the start of the contest for this year, 2011. The first name called was at 8am, and it was MY NAME! How freaking weird! Freaking weird in the fact that I would normally be at work at 8am, and although the radio is on, it's background noise and I don't pay much attention to it. But this morning Seth had an orthodontist appointment so I was in the car at 8am. Lucky for me!
I totally had that moment where I know I heard my name, was sure I heard my name, but thought there was no way I heard my name. After all, I know there are other people in Phoenix with the same name, so it couldn't have been me. That was until I heard my name from Chandler, AZ. Oh my gosh, it was me! I'm not sure who was freaking out more... Me or Seth! Now the fun part was to begin, trying to call the radio station back within 8 minutes... Yes, I've tried before to get a never-ending busy signal. Not today! The phone immediately rang and someone answered within the first 2 rings. Yes, they answered, they really did call my name, it was me!
Of course, $800 wasn't the immediate prize. I had to go the entire day waiting, building $100 at a time. How lucky am I that most people are probably just like me, have the radio on, but using it as background noise and not paying attention to the other names being called. $100 by $100... how stressful, exciting and fun, all wrapped up together! Now, I would have been just as thrilled with $100, as it was $100 more than I started out with this morning, but the excitement of waiting each hour to see if anyone else responds to their name and then waiting for the call from the radio station was almost unbearable. I had the entire office routing, for ME!
During the day, I did more radio spots than I could count, but it was extremely fun. I will say that it is very strange hearing yourself on the radio... I realized that I still do have a southern accent, which is ok, just strange to hear... I thought I lost it years ago... A friend told me today that you can take the girl out of Kentucky, but you can't take Kentucky out of the girl... So, I'll keep my Kentucky twang... It's a good thing!
So, all in all, it was a great start to my week. At this point, things can only get better... Am I done wishing and waiting for good things, NAH... (anyways, who says you have to stop at just one)...
One last thought... you may think good things come to everyone but you... I definitely have thought that too many times to count... today I was proved wrong. Good things come in all different kinds of packages and come to everyone. Sometimes you just have to wait a little longer... but that's ok. Wait... and when you least expect it, it will come to you...
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Quiet
This is the part of the day that I love on the weekends... It's early, no one is awake except me, not even the dogs... I don't have to talk to anyone, listen to anyone, hear the tv, phones ringing, kids bickering.... Just complete quiet!
The quiet is an amazing thing! It's where you can think about the past, the present and the future. It's where a good book becomes a great book. Where life seems to be at a standstill and nothing matters except that quiet little moment... I'm sure there will come a day when I long for the quiet to disappear, but for now, in this moment, I am going to treasure it, and who says you have to give up that small little sliver of peace, even if it only lasts just briefly?
We get so caught up in our day to day lives, running here and there, working, school, family, kids... that we forget to take a minute to just breathe and ignore everything around us and just be in that quiet, brief, little moment.
For most, these moments come very rarely. For some, they are constant. Enjoy it! Crave it! Cherish it! Use these moments to take a step back, think about everything or about nothing. They are your moments. They are quiet moments, and they should be treasured.
The quiet is an amazing thing! It's where you can think about the past, the present and the future. It's where a good book becomes a great book. Where life seems to be at a standstill and nothing matters except that quiet little moment... I'm sure there will come a day when I long for the quiet to disappear, but for now, in this moment, I am going to treasure it, and who says you have to give up that small little sliver of peace, even if it only lasts just briefly?
We get so caught up in our day to day lives, running here and there, working, school, family, kids... that we forget to take a minute to just breathe and ignore everything around us and just be in that quiet, brief, little moment.
For most, these moments come very rarely. For some, they are constant. Enjoy it! Crave it! Cherish it! Use these moments to take a step back, think about everything or about nothing. They are your moments. They are quiet moments, and they should be treasured.
Friday, January 7, 2011
M.I.A.
I've been MIA the past couple of days. I have been a little under the weather, trying really hard to get passed it. For me, this really puts a cramp on my "schedule." With so much going on daily, between work, school and family, it's important, for me anyway, to keep things on track and not let them stray. Yes, some people would refer to that as being a control freak, and in some ways, ok a lot of ways, ok most ways, I am a control freak. Staying in bed all day really makes me feel worse, but there has to come a time when you have to give into what your body is telling you, and today was that day, and who says you have to fight it? Giving in to being sick isn't an easy task for me. Especially when it puts a dent into "my time." Tonight was my monthly massage, the massage that I look forward to every 30 days, like clockwork. But tonight, I cancelled it, and have resolved that I need to continue to lounge in bed. I figure that if I have any plans to get up and out this weekend, staying in bed is probably what I really need to do. So here I sit, in bed. Ughh... this is really hard for me.
All this lounging, with a lot of sleeping, has got my mind wandering...
Thinking about tomorrow and the stress that comes with it. Tomorrow I will be attending a memorial service. A memorial for a sweet child who was taken way too soon. I have been fighting with whether to go, or not go. I think however that it's very important to support wonderful people dealing with such a terrible loss, and let them know that there are many people out there who feel for them, and are marveled in their never-ending devotion and strength that they are showing during such a stressful time in their lives. So, I'm sure I'll pick myself up and go.
Thinking about how I need to get up and get back into life, and continue to improve on the personal strength I have found over the past few years. Although being single and alone has it's moments, being alone and finding myself again has been very healing. And healing at this time in my life is what it's all about...
Ok, enough thinking. Back to resting so that tomorrow I can face the day and get out of bed and motivate myself back into life and reality...
All this lounging, with a lot of sleeping, has got my mind wandering...
Thinking about tomorrow and the stress that comes with it. Tomorrow I will be attending a memorial service. A memorial for a sweet child who was taken way too soon. I have been fighting with whether to go, or not go. I think however that it's very important to support wonderful people dealing with such a terrible loss, and let them know that there are many people out there who feel for them, and are marveled in their never-ending devotion and strength that they are showing during such a stressful time in their lives. So, I'm sure I'll pick myself up and go.
Thinking about how I need to get up and get back into life, and continue to improve on the personal strength I have found over the past few years. Although being single and alone has it's moments, being alone and finding myself again has been very healing. And healing at this time in my life is what it's all about...
Ok, enough thinking. Back to resting so that tomorrow I can face the day and get out of bed and motivate myself back into life and reality...
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Run Away
Do you ever have those days where you just want to run away from it all, from everything, from everyone? I'm having one of those days. Ok, I know running doesn't solve anything, so you can stop saying it, but seriously, I want to run away right now.
I often wonder why things seems so easy for most people. I know in reality it's not. Everyone has their struggles, it's just different for each person. It always seems however that my struggles just seem to escalate and never get easier. Ok, I know it's been a rough couple of years for me with losing a parent, my job, my husband and family, my house and my entire way a life. I am very grateful for the things I do have. My boys, my father, sister, nephews, nieces, family and friends, but why does it always seem like I am working extra hard just to keep things afloat?
Ok, I have, and very much love my father, and don't know what I would do without him. And I found another job, albeit not the greatest job, but it's a job. And the husband and family... well, that's a story for another day. I found another place to live, and honestly, I am very happy there, and love my downsized, little place, but where does the "ease" come in... Things seem harder, now more than ever. I'm trying to be positive, really I am, but just as I think I see a little light and a little glimpse that things are looking up, WHAM! and I'm right back to where I started. Ok, this isn't a pitty party, or a "poor me" session, but who says you have to always be up and chipper?
I've gone back to school to find a better job and hopefully find some of that "ease", but now it's harder than ever. I know my kids are suffering not having me home at night. Hell, I'm suffering not being there. It's the he said/he said game daily, and it's frankly driving me batty! Kids are kids, and they will always bicker and fight, but I feel like I am completely neglecting my kids. And what's going to happen when school is over, and to survive I have to work 2 jobs? What kind of parent am I or will I be then? And if I don't have time for my kids, what about the rest of my family and friends? I'm neglecting everyone! (I warned you it was one of those days!)
So, do you see why I want to run away? Why I want to disappear? Will I, no, of course not... I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Give me a few minutes and I'm sure the feelings of running will dwindle, and things will be easier, not easy, just easier.
I guess easier is what I'll accept, for now.
I often wonder why things seems so easy for most people. I know in reality it's not. Everyone has their struggles, it's just different for each person. It always seems however that my struggles just seem to escalate and never get easier. Ok, I know it's been a rough couple of years for me with losing a parent, my job, my husband and family, my house and my entire way a life. I am very grateful for the things I do have. My boys, my father, sister, nephews, nieces, family and friends, but why does it always seem like I am working extra hard just to keep things afloat?
Ok, I have, and very much love my father, and don't know what I would do without him. And I found another job, albeit not the greatest job, but it's a job. And the husband and family... well, that's a story for another day. I found another place to live, and honestly, I am very happy there, and love my downsized, little place, but where does the "ease" come in... Things seem harder, now more than ever. I'm trying to be positive, really I am, but just as I think I see a little light and a little glimpse that things are looking up, WHAM! and I'm right back to where I started. Ok, this isn't a pitty party, or a "poor me" session, but who says you have to always be up and chipper?
I've gone back to school to find a better job and hopefully find some of that "ease", but now it's harder than ever. I know my kids are suffering not having me home at night. Hell, I'm suffering not being there. It's the he said/he said game daily, and it's frankly driving me batty! Kids are kids, and they will always bicker and fight, but I feel like I am completely neglecting my kids. And what's going to happen when school is over, and to survive I have to work 2 jobs? What kind of parent am I or will I be then? And if I don't have time for my kids, what about the rest of my family and friends? I'm neglecting everyone! (I warned you it was one of those days!)
So, do you see why I want to run away? Why I want to disappear? Will I, no, of course not... I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Give me a few minutes and I'm sure the feelings of running will dwindle, and things will be easier, not easy, just easier.
I guess easier is what I'll accept, for now.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Balance...
Normally, I would prefer to read a book before watching a movie, but who says you have to, so I decided to put my preferences aside, and last night I watched "Eat. Pray. Love." What a great movie. Not because the movie itself was good, or the actors were great, but because of the meaning behind it. This got me thinking, which of course kept me thinking most of the night (which meant hardly any sleep), and thinking well into the day today that I need to Eat. Pray. and Love. I need to find that inner balance that I am so desperately missing. I know it's missing, it's been missing for, well, forever. I just don't know how exactly to find it.
Obviously, going to Italy, India and Bali isn't in my cards.... Italy: Although the scenery would be amazing, I would starve to death. Forget the fact that I am not an Italian food fan (and I'm part Italian, HA!), I'm pretty sure their Gluten Free options are non-existent, and vegetables, ICK! India... I could so handle the praying part, heck, I think I've already been there, but how amazing would it be to have that deep of prayer and meditation, but do I really have to go India to find it? Probably not. Now Bali... Oh how I would love to visit Bali... Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful... But if I have to go to Bali to find true love? I think I'm screwed!
So, how can I combine all three places, here in Phoenix, at home surrounded by my family and friends, and how do I find that inner balance? I'm waiting for that sign or maybe that sign is waiting for me... At times I think I'm close, or that I've been just about there, but for some reason I can't seem to make it over that "hump", which is a little thing called LIFE!
Would I give up a year of my life to find it? Could I give up a year of my life to find it? Do I have to give up a year of my life to find it?
So, I'm searching. Deep inside myself for the answers. For the meaning. For it. I have no doubt that I'll find it, I'm a pretty determined girl. So I'll Eat. I'll Pray. And hopefully, I'll find Love.
Obviously, going to Italy, India and Bali isn't in my cards.... Italy: Although the scenery would be amazing, I would starve to death. Forget the fact that I am not an Italian food fan (and I'm part Italian, HA!), I'm pretty sure their Gluten Free options are non-existent, and vegetables, ICK! India... I could so handle the praying part, heck, I think I've already been there, but how amazing would it be to have that deep of prayer and meditation, but do I really have to go India to find it? Probably not. Now Bali... Oh how I would love to visit Bali... Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful... But if I have to go to Bali to find true love? I think I'm screwed!
So, how can I combine all three places, here in Phoenix, at home surrounded by my family and friends, and how do I find that inner balance? I'm waiting for that sign or maybe that sign is waiting for me... At times I think I'm close, or that I've been just about there, but for some reason I can't seem to make it over that "hump", which is a little thing called LIFE!
Would I give up a year of my life to find it? Could I give up a year of my life to find it? Do I have to give up a year of my life to find it?
So, I'm searching. Deep inside myself for the answers. For the meaning. For it. I have no doubt that I'll find it, I'm a pretty determined girl. So I'll Eat. I'll Pray. And hopefully, I'll find Love.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
It All Started With a Sweater
A flood of emotions came to me this morning. While looking for a jacket so I can take the dogs out in the chilling 31 degree Phoenix air, in the back of my closet I found a sweater. A sweater that I completely forgot was there.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Makes Me Wonder...
I have to wonder what is wrong with some people? What makes some people think that it's ok to act like idiots? Do people's feelings not count anymore, and what gives you the right to just dump on someone because you can? I have definitely met my share of idiots, and put up my own share of dumping, but why? Who says you have to put up with it? When did being nice to people not matter any more? I know it's somewhat childish, but there is something to be said about the sayings "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all", and "why can't we all just get along?" Life isn't always rosey, there are people that will always push your limits, people that will make you madder than you ever thought possible, but when did it become ok to treat them like crap? Whether it's your sibling, parent, child, friend, acquaintance or a stranger on the street, everyone deserves respect and to be treated like a person... Think about it... Understand it... Be it...
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