Run Away

Do you ever have those days where you just want to run away from it all, from everything, from everyone?  I'm having one of those days.  Ok, I know running doesn't solve anything, so you can stop saying it, but seriously, I want to run away right now. 

I often wonder why things seems so easy for most people.  I know in reality it's not.  Everyone has their struggles, it's just different for each person.  It always seems however that my struggles just seem to escalate and never get easier.  Ok, I know it's been a rough couple of years for me with losing a parent, my job, my husband and family, my house and my entire way a life.  I am very grateful for the things I do have.  My boys, my father, sister, nephews, nieces, family and friends, but why does it always seem like I am working extra hard just to keep things afloat? 

Ok, I have, and very much love my father, and don't know what I would do without him.  And I found another job, albeit not the greatest job, but it's a job.  And the husband and family... well, that's a story for another day.  I found another place to live, and honestly, I am very happy there, and love my downsized, little place, but where does the "ease" come in...  Things seem harder, now more than ever.  I'm trying to be positive, really I am, but just as I think I see a little light and a little glimpse that things are looking up, WHAM! and I'm right back to where I started.  Ok, this isn't a pitty party, or a "poor me" session, but who says you have to always be up and chipper? 

I've gone back to school to find a better job and hopefully find some of that "ease", but now it's harder than ever.  I know my kids are suffering not having me home at night.  Hell, I'm suffering not being there.  It's the he said/he said game daily, and it's frankly driving me batty! Kids are kids, and they will always bicker and fight, but I feel like I am completely neglecting my kids.  And what's going to happen when school is over, and to survive I have to work 2 jobs?  What kind of parent am I or will I be then?  And if I don't have time for my kids, what about the rest of my family and friends?  I'm neglecting everyone!  (I warned you it was one of those days!)

So, do you see why I want to run away?  Why I want to disappear?  Will I, no, of course not... I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.  Give me a few minutes and I'm sure the feelings of running will dwindle, and things will be easier, not easy, just easier. 

I guess easier is what I'll accept, for now.