Love A Plan..

Recently, things definitely haven't gone as planned.  Plan, now that's a word that I love.  I love to plan. I love plans. I love planning things.  I am a planner.  What do you do when you entire existence is revolved around a specific plan, but yet the plan doesn't go even remotely as you thought?  Now I'm faced with the reality that I don't know what is next.  And that next is a scary place for me.  

Order.  Organization.  Structure.  Discipline. All words that define my very being.  Having a plan makes sure that those things stay where they need to.  How do you adjust to something that is so up in the air, knowing that you cannot function that way, nor do you want to function that way.  I need order.  I need organization.  I need structure.  I need discipline.  And yet I feel that I have none of those things right now. 

I feel like I am finally home, where I should be.  Unfortunately, I am still unemployed.  Now that's a scary thing.  When everything in your life follows a specific plan, and now this thing, unemployment, and not part of the plan, is staring at you in the face, what do you do?  How do you handle it?  It is so outside of my comfort zone, I am at a loss.  The need to be self sufficient has been with me since I was small.  I have always worked, taken care of myself, my children, my home.  Everything.  Now I am at this place in my life where that is not the case.  I am not working.  I am not providing for myself or my children.  Nothing!  How do I pick myself up out of this hole?

I'm here and NOTHING!  NOTHING!  NOTHING!  The hole is definitely deep.  Not unclimbable, but pretty slippery right now.  I am strong.  I have climbed out of it before.  I will do it again, but yet it seems so unreachable right now.  But I'm not going to stop.  I'll keep climbing.  One day, hopefully soon, I will reach the top.  Either by myself or with a helping hand.  But I'll get there.  I guess I do have a plan after all.  Not my original plan, by yet a plan regardless.  To keep climbing.  Whew!  I feel a little better.  A plan is only as good as the person making it.  And damn it, I got this!