Knowing

Do we ever really know what we want?  Sure, we have some type of idea in maybe a direction, but in the outcome?  And if we do, is it wrong that it changes, many times?  Just as soon as I think I know what I want or how I want something to go, it changes, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not.  I wouldn't call it indecisiveness, because that's not a word in my regularly vocabulary, and I am decisive, but the decision itself is changing.

How is this possible, for me anyway? I know people are ever-evolving, including myself, but shouldn't I have some type of idea at this point in my life?  Things still seem so crazy, but in a calm way.  Can that really be possible, crazy and calm together?  Ok, really anything is possible.  How about likely?  Can they work together?  I guess they can. 

In my life I have realized that anything is possible, and the most unlikely consequences are usually the best ones.  I am constantly evolving, although I don't always see the good in it, but that's only my perception, which in reality is probably pretty screwed up. 

So, back to my original question.  Do we ever really know what we want?  Should we?  Should we have things planned out, or just see what comes?  Should these decisions happen before a certain point in life, or is it normal that I'm still winging it? Is it just me that says I have to have things planned out, and is it ok if some days I think I don't have to? I guess it would be easy to realize that I don't know what I want. Ok, I do, but in an incomplete way, and I guess that's ok.  But, is it really ok?  Jury is still out deliberating...

Conundrum

So, I have a bit of a conundrum (yes, that's a big word)... I'm a a crossroads and not sure which path to take.  Certain things haven't exactly turned out like I hoped, or like I planned.  Although I'm at the beginning of the road and there's still a long way to travel, I'm questioning whether that road is the right road, or if I should just turn around and go back.  I know time will only tell whether the decision was the right one, but I'm not sure I want to wait.  I guess things will turn out like they are supposed to, and if turning around and going back is the right thing, it will happen that way. Waiting, yuck, so not one of my favorite words....

Why is it that we think sometimes that we are making the right decisions, but in reality looking back, it probably wasn't? Is it the need for adventure?  Change?  I know they say change is good, and it is, but sometimes change really isn't what we wanted at all.  Change is good, I believe that.  I have made some good changes, and I am thrilled to see where they are going to lead me, but sometimes I wonder if this was the right time.  Not on everything, just some things.  We become content in the way things are, and that's our comfort zone.  Breaking from the comfort zone isn't always easy, and it's just sometimes downright scary.  It's a necessity of life however.  I guess things will work out as they are supposed to.  Who says you have to be happy with change or with contentment, can't you have a little of both?  I guess that's where I'm at now.  I want both, to be content with change.  Can it happen?  Not sure, but I'm gonna try.  Hell, I'll never stop trying!